The Thermodynamics of Hell


The following is an actual exam question given on a
University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student
was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of
enjoying it
as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their
beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up
when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the
following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving in to Hell and
the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in
the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of
their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these
religions and you do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
most souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop
until Hell freezes over. So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell
before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded
in having that event take place, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am
sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

**The student received the only "A" given